Rediscovery...

First and foremost I want to thank those that have and continue to intercede on my behalf... thank you for standing in the gap for me, God is always faithful and there is no greater feeling than feeling well after an illness and so for those of you that don’t know... about 5 years ago I was diagnosed with cluster headaches, it’s the most severe type of headache that anyone can have, no! It’s not a migraine or a “headache” that is treated by over the counter pills, it’s a literal Head (dot-dot-dot-dot) Ache in which one side of the face swells, and the eyes, nose and nervous system is affected, I want to be sure I separate the two clearly because I marvel at folks that look at me starry eyes when they hear I was in the E.R. or I have been out from work or normal functions’ due to my attacks because like most people when others described headaches I would naturally assume it’s something easy to take care of  (now that I am done with the cluster headache 101)... my attacks are episodic, meaning they come anywhere from one, two and or three years apart  which is good and bad, good that I am not a chronic sufferer bad that when they hit-they hit hard, this year they came early and I of course am never expecting them because like anything else I’d rather believe I am healed so needless to say when my attacks have happened in the past they have tortured me in the middle of the night, but this time around the pattern was very different, it was at night, in the morning and during the day (so horrible) by the way these are also known as suicide head-aches because some have committed suicide due to the intolerable pain because in the moment of the intensity you feel like all you want to do is just rip open the side of the throbbing pain and fix it ( I am not justifying suicide, it’s never an option I am stating the thought pattern in the moment of pain through my experience) anyways as a an episodic sufferer the monster visits with me for about 2-4 weeks and anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours then disappears, the physician prescribes a lot of pain pills and pure oxygen but these are really only useful if you catch the attack before it happens because the attacks come fast and by the time you pop a prescription pain pill you are already in a full blown attack which then can only be alleviated some what by breathing in 100% oxygen which is not taking away the pain but toning it down just a notch, after an attack I usually feel  drained, weak, tired and I feel like a zombie, all I can do is sleep and by the time I look up the day is gone and "I" of all people have not done anything, I've never asked God why this was happening to me, I just find it interesting that from nowhere life can stop you in your tracks and say otherwise, don’t get me wrong now... I am a very strong person and  before this mess I had never called off work (ever!) I have been working ever since I was 16 years old and I had never-ever-called off work, I had never been a sickly person, I had never been in the E.R…I had never had any types of physical ailment till my diagnoses 5 years ago and I think what tends to get me frustrated more so than anything was  accepting that even strong people can get hit at the knees sometimes and cause them to fall temporarily... I mean-just being limited was bothering me, oh! Sure I leaned on God more than I had ever leaned on Him, every little bit of energy I had I was in my word (the Bible) which helped me embrace my time, yes! Embrace my time with God, I realize that in my physical realm I felt as though I was doing nothing and days where just passing right before my very own eyes and yet in my spiritual life I was growing in knowledge, I wanted to know more about illness and the body and I wanted to read all the verses on healing as I could and because of that it wasn't until I started to accept that this was a moment for me to sit still and hear from God than to think of all the things that I had to do in my physical able body.

My Beloved, I write my heart out to you for you not to pity me but for you to gain strength, hope and courage in your walk, I describe my ailment in details so maybe you can relate, like you, I was enjoying the start of the year, great dreams, ambitions, goals and just started my 3rd Christian Fiction Novel when-Boom! “life happened” you-see…there was no sickness in my forecast nor the time for pain and suffering, even though my spiritual goals where to grow and remain closer to God I hadn't planned on rediscovering my intimacy with Him till “this happened” and because of that I realized my purpose in that moment...  which is favored by the life we live and it means the good, bad and the ugly but in the mist of the unknown of life I want you to rediscover your intimacy with God, God doesn't mind us asking Him why in the time of “life happening” but before you ask Him why next time look around and figure out how you can rediscover your intimacy with Him (using that situation and or circumstance to strengthen your faith)... I am so soften reminded about the little kid that tries to get their parents attention, the parent knows that the kid is trying to get their attention but the parent doesn't acknowledge the kid and sooner than later the kid usually does something dramatic such as pulling  products down from a store shelf or throw a tantrum and so forth and my point being they do that “dramatic” gesture to get the parents attention and 99.99% of the time it works, the parent will tend to stop dead in their tracks, place the grocery list down and figure out what it is the kid wants (something like that) so hear me out and clearly :-) I am not saying that God caused my sickness but I am saying that He used this situation as an attention-grabbing-moment, understand what ever circumstances you go through, whether or not if you understand them... let God use your circumstance to grow and strengthen your relationship with Him.

Posted by Memory Bengesa at 8:25 PM 

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